Tuesday, July 21, 2009

He's My Mayor

(Tune: Tom Lehrer's She's My Girl)

Bats gotta fly, and sharks gotta swim
I gotta mayor who went out on a limb
To Ed or Dick or Pete
He may be just a cheat
But to me, well,
He's my mayor

He hid a romance with a teenage boy
Acted holier-than-thou, a dubious ploy
His lies to the press
Have caused me much duress
But he's my mayor, he's my mayor, he's my mayor,
And I hate him.

The mayor I supported
So reckless when he courted
His scandal much reported
His reputation swarted
The mayor who distorted
Is the mayor hell has meant for me.

And now there's a recall since the mayor won't go
He says he's still ruling but it's all ego
He keeps digging a hole
He keeps losing control
But oh well, what the hell,
He's my mayor,
And I hate him.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

My Home Town

(Tune: Tom Lehrer's My Home Town)

I really have a yen
To go back once again
To a time when honesty was cool
To see once more those super-special just plain folks
Who we let rule

No fellow could ignore
The councilman next door
Who always had a handshake and a grin
And if you slipped him several hundred on the sly
Your cause would win

I remember Sam
A most progressive mayor
He really was a player
Till he slipped
He found a teenage boy
And kissed him on the lips
He then denied it all
And hence began his fall

The man who was top cop
And hated micks and wops
Or anyone with whom he'd disagree
He liked to corner secretaries in the hall
And set them free

I remember Hank
He was the corner poet
And always let you know it
With his grin
He liked to parody
The mayor's every sin
And pass the poems around
Up and down the streets in town

These were the folks who ruled
Who really kept us fooled
It really isn't different much today
We always get the very leaders we deserve
That's what they say

I Think About Your Lies, Sam

(Tune: Tom Lehrer's I Hold Your Hand In Mine)

I think about your lies, Sam
I think of them today
I wonder if they're bad enough
That you must go away
There's a recall petition
I wonder, should I sign?
I think about your lies, Sam
I can't make up my mind

When you confessed, I almost cried
How could you be so dumb?
I voted for you with such hope
Today you're just a bum

I'm signing the petition
Since how else can I say?
I think about your lies, Sam
I think of them today

Thursday, July 16, 2009

The Masochism Tango

(Tune: Tom Lehrer's Masochism Tango)

I ache for the lie from your lips, Sam,
But more for the video clips, Sam.
How you deceive
And overachieve
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

Let my faith in you weather this recall,
Say it's me that you'll never disenthrall.
Betray my trust,
Turn worser to worst,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

At your command
Before you here I stand,
Your career in my hand,
It's here that I must be.
My faith will never wane,
My vote never abstain,
It's not you who's to blame,
So come and lie to me.

Your lies have the beauty of starlight,
They're convincing -- and even in daylight.
My trust is so pure
That it smells like manure
(I'm no great paramour
When we tango).

Corrupt my youth
Do everything uncouth
Do anything to win.
Who cares if you lie?
No one will ask why
So betray me once again.

In public be cool and committed
To city affairs counterfeited.
Remember the rule:
The public's a fool
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

The Recall Rag

(Tune: Tom Lehrer's Vatican Rag)

Look around and find the sign
Step right up, you're just in time
Think about the mayor's shame and
Sign-your-name, sign-your-name, sign-your-name!

We need 50,000 signatures
In three months, that's lots of work for sure
Citizens participate
There's no time to hestitate
Doin' the Recall Rag.

What's at stake is how the city works
Do we answer lies with deeds or shirks?
Every time a politician smirks
Citizens can fight with fireworks.
Do your part, sign the petition
Apathy's the great addiction
Two, four, six, eight
Time for Sam to abdicate!

So step up and do your part
Bring your friends and show some heart
Think about the mayor's shame and
Sign-your-name, sign-your-name, sign-your-name!

Put your name down on the paper
Hurry up, it's getting later
Think of your children
They know what you're doin'
Gathering wherewithal
Time for an overhaul
Doin' the Recall Rag!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Guest submission: from an anonymous government worker

(to the tune of "Lyin' Eyes" by the Eagles)

City men just seem to find out early
How to dial for donors with just a smile
A powerful middle-aged man
And he won't have to worry
He’ll dress up, run his race, and win on lies

Late at night a big old office gets lonely
I guess ev'ry form of power has its price
And it breaks his heart to think his lo-ve is
Only given to a public with hands cold as ice

So he tells his staff he must go out for the evening
To mentor a young friend who's feelin' down
But his staff knows where he's goin' as he's leavin'
He is headed for the Breedlove side of town

You can't hide your lyin' eyes
And your smile is a thin disguise
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't no way to hide your lyin eyes

On the 2nd floor men’s room, a boy is waiting
with fiery eyes and dreams up for sale
Sam walks on through the hall anticipating
'Cause Beau makes him feel the way he wants to feel

He rushes to his arms,
They fall together
He whispers “C’mon, you’re almost 18.” (said matter-of-factly)
He swears that soon he'll be comin' (pause) forever
He pulls away and leaves Beau with a smile

You can't hide your lyin' eyes
And your smile is a thin disguise
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't no way to hide you lyin' eyes

The Willy Week puts him on its front cover
And Sam stares out at the clouds up in the sky
He wonders whether he’ll stay in power
He closes his door and hangs his head to cry

He wonders how it ever got this crazy
He thinks about an issue to help him rule
Did he get tired or did he just get lazy?
He’s so far gone, he feels just like a fool

Mayor, oh Mayor, you sure know how to arrange things
You set it up so well, so carefully
Ain't it funny how your new power didn't change things
You're still the same old liar you used to be

You can't hide your lyin eyes
And your smile is a thin disguise
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't no way to hide your lyin' eyes
There ain't no way to hide your lyin' eyes
Honey, you can't hide your lyin' eyes

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Imagine (guest submission)

(Tune of "Imagine")

Imagine kissing children
In a Bathroom stall
And hiring a reporter
To cover up it all
Imaging all the lying
To get elected…

Imagine pedophilia
Ignored by the AG
A boy too young to
Legally say yes
Imagine all the voters
Voicing their disgust…

A recall movement brewing
Won’t stop ‘til he is done
I hope someday you'll join us
And the city will vote as one

Imagine losing your position
Mayor or Councilman
For taking advantage of a person
Who’s a boy and not a man
Imagine all the citizens
For truth and honesty…

A recall movement brewing
Won’t stop ‘til he is done
I hope someday you'll join us
And the city will vote as one

--Dean Z

Monday, May 11, 2009

I've Got You Much On My Mind

(Tune: "I've Got You Under My Skin")

I've got you much on my mind
I'm troubled that you still won't resign
That when you go down, you'll cut the city's secure lifeline
I've got you much on my mind

In past years, you had my vote
In past years, I believed what you said
But since your deception and lies, all of my faith has fled
I've got you much on my mind

I'd sacrifice anything come what might
To erase all your scandal and lies
In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night
And tells me that there's no compromise

Don't you know, little fool, the past is defined
Use your mentality, wake up to reality
And each time I do, just the thought of you
Makes me sick for all Portland-kind
And I've got you much on my mind

Friday, April 24, 2009

How High The Moon

(Tune: "How High The Moon")

Somewhere there's justice
How faint the tune
Somewhere a new start
How high the moon
There is no mayor for us
When truth is far away too
Till it comes true
That he resigns and pays his dues

Somewhere there's justice
How near, how far
Somewhere there's heaven
Without this czar
The darkest night will shine
When we can stop this lampoon
Until he goes, how still my heart
How high the moon

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Lynne Fuqua sings!


Jazz singer Lynne Fuqua, my dear friend in Los Angeles, was kind enough to put some of our efforts to tape.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Music on its way

My jazz singer friend in L.A. recorded seven of the songs here, and a CD is in the mail. I'll get them online and announce it here. I expect them to be first rate!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Don't Pay Attention Any More

(Tune: Don't Get Around Much Any More)

Missed the rally at noon
Never got out the door
Guess the mayor is staying
Don't pay attention any more

Was a day when I cared
The mayor's lies I abhor
But the time passes quickly
Don't pay attention any more

Frankly, it's depressing when I see
So many losing focus just like me

Guess the mayor's here to stay
What can a recall restore?
Do we really have power?
Don't pay attention any more

Guest submission by Dean Z

Here's the Broadway Musical Rock Ballad to be staged during the mayoral race to the tune of Alice Cooper's timeless political statement. I am visualizing a duet.

B= Breedlove
S=Sam
D=both

B: I'm a young prime cut of meat, I'm your choice
B: I wanna be erected
S: I'm your councilman dandy in a city hall
S: I wanna be erected
S: Kids a teenager, tight butt's not fake
S: I wanna be erected
D: We're gonna ignore the rules that society makes
D: I wanna be erected, elected, erected
S: I always lied to you, I've always kept cool
S: I wanna be elected
S: I gotta get the vote, while the kid's in school
D: I wanna be elected, erected, erected
D: Hallelujah, I wanna be erected
D: Everyone in the United States of America
D: We're gonna win this one, take the city by storm
D: We're gonna be erected
D: You and me together, young and old
D: We're gonna be elected, erected, elected
D: Misdirected, erected, who y'all elected
D: I wanna be erected, erected

Friday, March 20, 2009

Why Don't You Do Right?

(Tune: "Why Don't You Do Right?")

You had your integrity in '99
You let your eye for youth get out of line
Why don't you do right?
Like some other mayors do
Get out of here
So we can start anew

You stand there thinking that we'll all forget
Getting caught's the only thing that you regret
Why don't you do right?
Like some other mayors do
Get out of here
So we can start anew

We're quiet now. Soon there'll be time to shout
A recall election's gonna boot you out
Why don't you do right?
Like some other mayors do
Get out of here
So we can start anew

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Gone With The Wind

(Tune: "Gone With The Wind")

Gone with the wind, just like a leaf that has blown away.
Gone with the wind, my faith in you flew away.

Political promises still ring in my ears
But the truth's different from how it appears

And now all is gone, gone is the promise of better days
Gone with the wind, here in the city that you betrayed
Just like a flame, hope burned brightly
Then became an empty smoke dream that has gone,
Gone with the wind.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Mood Imbroglio

(Tune:"Mood Indigo")

You ain't been blue; no, no, no.
You ain't been blue,
Till you've had that mood imbroglio.
That feelin' goes stealin' straight to the crux
While I sit and sigh, "My mayor sucks".

Always get that mood imbroglio,
Since my mayor's sad decline.
In the evenin' when lights are low,
I'm so lonesome with my wine.

'Cause there's no mayor who cares about me,
I'm just a soul who's
bluer than blue can be.
When I get that mood imbroglio,
I keep praying he'll resign.

Recorded songs coming

A jazz singer friend in LA is recording some of my songs here and sending along a CD. I'll rip the sucker and post the individual songs online. She is damn good -- this is something to look forward to!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Lies For Sale

(Tune: "Love For Sale")

Lies for sale,
Appetising new lies for sale.
Lies that you may freely quote,
Lies designed to get your vote,
Lies for sale.
Who will buy?
Who would like to sample my supply?
Who's prepared to pay the price,
For a political device?
Lies for sale.

Let idealists pipe of truth
In their childish way
I know all the tweaks of truth
Better far than they.
If you want the thrill of truth,
I've been through the mill of truth;
Old truths, new truths,
Every truth but true truth.

Lies for sale.
Appetising new lies for sale.
My ideas you can promote,
Believe in me and cast your vote.
Lies for sale.
Lies for sale.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The City Mayor

(Tune: "Eleanor Rigby")

Ah, look at all the politicians
Ah, look at all the politicians

The city mayor talks to the press as if nothing were terribly wrong
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window, wearing the face that he wears for the voters outside
Thinks he can hide

All the politicians
Why must they always lie?
All the politicians
They make you want to cry

The city mayor writing the words of a speech that he thinks is enough
Playing his bluff
Look at him squirming, hoping the truth will not catch up and make him resign
Where is the sign?

All the politicians
Why must they always lie?
All the politicians
They make you want to cry

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Ex-Mayor

(Tune: "Nature Boy")

There was a man
A very smart ambitious man
They say he wandered very far, very far
Beyond propriety
A little sly
With wand'ring eye
But not so wise
Was he

And then one day
A certain day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things, fools and kings
This he said to me
"The greatest thing
You'll ever learn
Is speak the truth
And hear truth
In return"

Sunday, February 15, 2009

A Tragic Day

(TUNE: "A Foggy Day")

A tragic day
In Portland town
It had me low
And it had me down
I heard the mayor
With much alarm
When he confessed
He dropped a bomb
How long I wondered
Would he hang on
When would I wake up
And find him gone
And suddenly
He had a change of heart
And in tragic Portland town
His resignation
Was a brand new start

The Polling Booth Song

(Tune: "Whiskey Song" and ending from Mahagonny)

Oh show me the way to the next pretty mayor
Oh don't ask why, oh don't ask why
For if I don't find the next pretty mayor
I tell you I must die, I tell you I must die
I tell you, I tell you,
I tell you I must die

A fraud in Puddle City
You now must say goodbye
You've lost your dear old Portland
And must resign, oh don't ask why
A fraud in Puddle City
You now must say goodbye
You've lost the city's voters
And must resign, oh don't ask why

Oh show me the way to the next polling booth
Oh don't ask why, oh don't ask why
For if I don't find the next polling booth
I tell you I must die, I tell you I must die
I tell you, I tell you
I tell you I must die

A fraud in Puddle City
You now must say goodbye
You've lost your dear old Portland
And must resign, oh don't ask why

You can put a white shirt on him
You can tie a windsor on him
You can put a smile on his face
You can take a picture of him
Cannot help a fallen mayor

You can remember the good times
You can recite all the speeches
You can vote again for him
You can throw him a party
Cannot help a fallen mayor

You can forget all the lying
You can forget all the kissing
You can forget all the forging
You can pretend he's honest
Cannot help a fallen mayor

Cannot help him or you or me
Cannot help him or you or me

Saturday, February 14, 2009

The Boy From City Hall

(Tune: "The Girl From Ipanema")

Tall and tan and brash and handsome
The boy from City Hall goes flirting
And when he's winking, each one he's seeing goes -- ah

When he talks, it's like a sermon
The boy from City Hall's convincing
The voters to support him, and they go -- ah

Oh, but I listen so sadly
Because I know that he's lying
Soon everything turns out badly
And each day, when he's at City Hall
I'm counting the days till his fall

Tall and tan and brash and handsome
The boy from City Hall keeps talking
But now no one is listening, and we go -- ah

Bye Bye Blackbird

(Tune: "Bye Bye Blackbird")

Pack up all your tricks and lies,
Say goodbye,
No alibis,
Bye bye blackbird.
Pack your things and out the door,
Know the score,
No mentor,
Bye bye blackbird.

No one here can trust or comprehend you,
You wrote your own ticket, now it's adieu.
Make the bed and cut the light,
We want you out of here tonight,
Blackbird bye bye.

Demeanor Of You

(Tune: "Nearness Of You")

It's not the john kiss that upsets me
Depresses and shocks me, oh no
It's the demeanor of you

It's not your skilled obfuscation
That killed my elation, oh no
It's the demeanor of you

When you face the press and the lights are bright on you
All my saddest thoughts come true

I need no more lies to enchant me
If only you're grant me, the right
To demand you leave tonight
So please resign, despite
The demeanor of you

Friday, February 13, 2009

I'm Beginning To See The Light

(Tune: "I'm Beginning To See The Light")

I never cared much for selfish lies
There's nothing in them that unifies
And when I look deep into your eyes
I'm beginning to see the light
I never went in for double-talk
I applaud those who walk the walk
And when I hear you I go in shock
I'm beginning to see the light
Used to believe in Portland town
We're progressive all around
Then you turned it upside-down
There'a a four-alarm fire now
You keep looking 'round for a scapegoat
You think what you did is a footnote
I regret giving you my vote
I'm beginning to see the light

Thursday, February 12, 2009

A Modest Proposal


WANTED: SINGERS to gather at City Hall on a regular basis and sing these songs and others like them as a continuing musical protest against the mayor.


It might work this way: 4 or 6 or 8 of you who work downtown would bring your lunch one day a week, say Wednesday, and gather at City Hall to eat and sing some of these songs over the lunch hour. Have fun. Keep your spirits up during the long wait for a recall election. Keep the issue alive.

Is there someone who can run with this idea?

Depending on the day, I might be able to join you. Contact: cdeemer(at)yahoo(dot)com.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Replaceable You

(Tune: "Embraceable You")

Disgrace me, you sad disgrace of a mayor
Disgrace me, you sad replaceable mayor

Just one look at you
My hopes fell over the edge
You and you alone
Betrayed the dreams that you pledged

I hate all the many lies that you told
Above all, I want from you something bold

Don't be a haughty mayor
Sign your resignation, please do
My sad replaceable you

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Sammy

(Tune: "Alfie")

What's it all about, Sammy?
Is it just for this moment you live?
What's it all about when you sort it out, Sammy?
Are you meant to take more than you give,
Or are you meant to be kind?
And if only fools are kind, Sammy,
Than I guess it is wise to be cruel.
And if life belongs only to the strong, Sammy,
What will you lend on an old golden rule?
As sure as I believe there's a heaven above, Sammy,
I know there's something much more,
Something even politicians can believe in.
I believe in trust, Sammy.
Without our trust you just exist, Sammy.
Until you win the trust you've lost,
You're nothing, Sammy.
When you walk let conscience lead the way,
Listen when it says, Resign today.
Sammy, Sammy.

Friday, February 6, 2009

I Could Write A Book

(Tune: "I Could Write A Book")

If they asked me
I could write a book
About the way you hide
And whisper and look
I could write a preface
On what went wrong
And how this mess got prolonged
And the simple secret of the plot
Is that the mess gets far worse than you thought
And the world discovers as my book ends
Your resignation alone makes amends

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

(Tune: "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes")

They asked me how I knew
My mayor was true
I of course replied
Something here inside
Cannot be denied

They said some day you'll learn
Politicians burn
When your trust is wise
You must realize
Smoke gets in your eyes

So I chaffed them
And I gayly laughed
To think they could doubt my trust
Yet today
My trust has flown away
My mayor is a bust

Now laughing friends deride
Tears I cannot hide
So I smile and say
A voter's trust can die
Smoke gets in your eyes

Monday, February 2, 2009

Night And Day

(Tune: "Night and Day")

Night and day
You are the mayor
Only you, despite lies,
It isn't fair
Whether lying to the press
Manipulating all your mess
You're still the mayor
Night and day

Day and night
How is it so
That so much deception follows
Wherever you go
And no one gives a damn
They just say that you're their man
You're still the mayor
Day and night

Night and day
Give me a break
This fraud you designed has created
A moral earthquake
It's depressing when I see
So many saying foolishly
That you're the mayor
Night and day
Day and night
Night and day

Leavin' On A Jet Plane

(Tune: "Leavin' On A Jet Plane")

All my bags are packed
I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here at City Hall's door
I hate to have to tell my friends goodbye
But the dawn is breakin'
It's early morn
A policeman's waitin'
He's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome
I could die

So pray for me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Tell me that someday I'll wear a crown
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh Portland, I know I let you down

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, I know these things were wrong
Ev'ry place I go, I'll think of you
Ev'ry speech I give, I'll give for you
When I come back, these handcuffs will be gone

So pray for me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Tell me that someday I'll wear a crown
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh Portland, I know I let you down

Blowin' In The Wind

(Tune: "Blowin' In The Wind")

How many lies must a city mayor tell
Before you call him a liar?
How much deception must one man do
Before you put out the fire?
How many times must he lie to your face
Before he triggers your ire?

The answer, my friend, is blowin in the wind
The answer is blowin in the wind.

How many times must the press have a scoop
Before you accept what is true?
How many times must a story be changed
Before all the lying accrues?
How many voices that rise does it take
Before you bid him adieu?

The answer, my friend, is blowin in the wind
The answer is blowin in the wind.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Guests welcome

Have a song parody you'd like to be considered for this blog? Send it along to:

cdeemer(at)yahoo(dot)com

"There's no accounting for taste," and I'll publish only those that work for me.

The Ballad of Sam Adams (guest submission)

THE BALLAD OF SAM ADAMS
(A medley, with apologies to the Kingston Trio)

[Spoken:]
These are the times that try men's souls. In the course of our city's history, the people of Portland have rallied bravely whenever the rights of men have been threatened. Today, a new crisis has arisen. The mayor of Portland, our own beloved Sam Adams, is being attacked by a bevy of homophobes attempting to force him out of office. Citizens, hear me out! This could happen to you!

[Sung, to the tune of “MTA”]
Well, let me tell you of the story of a man named Sammy,
It’s a tragic and fateful shame.
He stepped out of a meeting and stepped into the men’s room
and his life was never the same.

But will he ever resign? No he’ll never resign,
though his name is much maligned.
He may ride forever through the streets of Portland
as the mayor who never resigned.

[Tune: “Tom Dooley”]
I met him in the men’s room,
there I took his hand.
Met him in the men’s room
purty much like we planned.

Hang down your head, Sam Adams,
Hang down your head and creen.
Hang down your head, Sam Adams,
poor Beau was seventeen.

I kissed him in the men’s room,
maybe once or twice.
Kissed him in the men’s room
against my staff’s advice.

(Oh yes) I kissed him in the men’s room,
maybe a minute or two.
Beau couldn’t keep his mouth shut,
So what was I s’posed to do?

Hang down your head, Sam Adams,
Hang down your head and creen.
Hang down your head, Sam Adams,
poor Beau was seventeen.

‘Bout this time tomorrow
Don’t know where I'll be.
If it hadn't a-been for Breedlove
I coulda just taken a pee.

[Tune: “Hard, Ain’t It Hard”]
Well, it's hard. Ain't it hard? Ain't it hard (oh, yes)
to love one who never did love you.
Well, it's hard. Ain't it hard? Ain't it hard, great God,
to love one who’s still too young to screw!

The first time I kissed Beau Breedlove
he was a-standin' by a stall,
woulda left if I had any shred of courage,
but I couldn’t get it up at all! (An’ I was singin’)

Well, it's hard. Ain't it hard? Ain't it hard (oh, yes)
to love one who never did love you.
Well, it's hard. Ain't it hard? Ain't it hard, great God,
to love one who’s still too young to screw!

[Reprise: “MTA”]
Now, you citizens of Portland, don't you think it's a scandal
how Sammy has to pay and pay?
Fight the right-wing whackos! They’re all out to get him
All because poor Sammy is gay!

But will he ever resign? No he’ll never resign,
though his name is much maligned.
He may ride forever through the streets of Portland,
as the mayor who never resigned.
[Repeat]

--Submitted by "An Anonymous Citizen"

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Adams' Nah-Eve

Are you an Adams' Nah-Eve?
Nah, he's not a crook.
Nah, he's still a good man.
Nah, I'm not naive.

Are you an Adams' Nah-Eve?
Nah, he's not disliked.
Nah, not ineffective.
Nah, I'm not in grief.

Are you an Adams' Nah-Eve?
Nah, he's not slowed down.
Nah, not treading water.
Nah, I'm not deceived.

Are you an Adams' Nah-Eve?
Nah, not in denial.
Nah, no numbered days.
Nah, I'm not naive.

Get Out Of Town

(Tune: "Get Out Of Town")

Get out of town
Before it's too late for you
Get out of town
Be good to me please

Why do this harm
Don't you see our alarm
Move away where you can charm
Others with your tease

Just disappear
This city has much to do
And when you're near, I always fear,
You won't be true

The stress when we meet, knowing you cheat,
Is draining, it's getting me down
So on your mark, get set
Get out of town

Friday, January 30, 2009

Hey There

(Tune: "Hey There")

Hey there, you with the stars in your eyes
Lies never made a fool of you
You used to be too wise
Hey there, you on that high-flyin' cloud
You think the mayor's changed his ways
You miss the true range of his ways

Better forget him
Him with the fork-ed tongue
He has you dancin' on a string
And your time will come

Won't you take this advice
I hand you like a brother
Or are you not seein' things too clear
Politics filters what you hear
Is it all goin' in one ear and out the other?

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Mendacity

(Tune: "Old Devil Moon")

I look at you and suddenly
Something in your eyes I see
Soon begins upsetting me
It's your mendacity
That is filled with your lies
It's that mendacity
In your eyes

You and your glance
Make circumstance
Too hot to handle
Fires in hell
Burning farewell
Can't hold a candle
To your razzle dazzle

You've made yourself a mockery
Lies coming fast in twos and threes
Tainting City Hall abnormally
It's your mendacity
That has lost you my vote
It's that mendacity
You emote

Just when I hope
You're going away
Mendacity
Deep in your eyes
Tells me you'll stay

Alright, Okay, You Win

(Tune: "Alright, Okay, You Win")

Well alright, okay, you win
I'm still stuck with you
Well alright, okay, you win
I mean, what can I do?
But I'm not gonna sit and pout
I'll find a way to get you out

All that I am askin'
All I want from you
Is sign your resignation
It won't be hard to do

Well alright, okay, you win
I'm still stuck with you
Well alright, okay, you win
But we're clearly not through
We're gonna make you hit the road
And get the city back on code
Okay!

You'd Be So Nice To Still Believe In

(Tune: "You'd Be So Nice To Come Home To")

You'd be so nice to still believe in
You'd be so nice to still trust
With so much to do
On our avenues
You'd be great -- except for your lust

In this time of Barack Obama
Honesty's the theme of design
Here you failed us
You're still clueless
Would you please just resign?

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Witch Hunt!

So what if the mayor
Seduced a teen
His private life
Not your concern
Witch hunt!
Witch hunt!
So what if the mayor

So what if the mayor
Lied to us all
Defamed a foe
Got others to lie
Witch hunt!
Witch hunt!
So what if the mayor

So what if the mayor
Broke city code
Disgraced the office
Embarassment
Witch hunt!
Witch hunt!
So what if the mayor

So what if the mayor
Won't resign
Time will pass
People forget
Witch hunt!
Witch hunt!
So what if the mayor

It Ain't Worth A Tooth

(Tune: "It Don't Mean A Thing")

It ain't worth a tooth
If it ain't got the truth
Doo wah doo wah doo wah doo wah
Doo wah doo wah doo wah doo wah

It ain't worth a tooth
If it's something uncouth
Doo wah doo wah doo wah doo wah
Doo wah doo wah doo wah doo wah

It makes no difference if it's sweet or hot
Your credibility is all you've got

It ain't worth a tooth
If it ain't got the truth
Doo wah doo wah doo wah doo wah
Doo wah doo wah doo wah doo wah

Status Quo

Get a grip
Don't you know that Portland's hip?
Bad news passes, just a blip
Buck up and move on

You forgot
Everybody lies, so what?
It's just the politician's lot
Buck up and move on

He's my mayor
I don't care who he's seducing
Or what secret schemes deducing
Buck up and move on

Double Standard

What if the mayor wasn't gay
A teenage honey was his prey
They kiss at seventeen
Next year the whole cuisine
Would we let such a mayor stay?

If hetero, the mayor's a perv
And getting booted quite deserved
But gay, he gets a break
He just made a mistake
And here somehow we lose our nerve

A double-standard is at work
Here up in arms, there just a shirk
What happened is the same
What changes is the shame
A double-standard is at work

Monday, January 26, 2009

July In Portland

(Tune: "April In Paris")

July in Portland
Recall election
Gathering people
Do the right thing

July in Portland
What a strange feeling
When your own mayor
Thinks he's a king

I'm sorry that it came to this
Months and months of such despair
I'm sorry that the mayor's kiss
Caused more lies than we could bear
Till

July in Portland
Let's find a mayor
Who always tells us
The truth

Fly Me To The Moon

(Tune: "Fly Me To The Moon")

Fly me to the moon
Or anywhere away from here
Set me down where there's a calmer
Saner atmosphere

In other words, please resign
In other words, do the right thing

How can you expect me
To believe anything you say?
You've lost credibility
Lost context to persuade

In other words, save the city
In other words, just resign

Don't Explain

(Tune: "Don't Explain")

Hush now, don't explain
Just say you'll remain
You're still my mayor
Don't explain

Quiet, don't explain
What is there to gain?
I believe in you still
Don't explain

You know that I support you
You'll always have my vote
All my thoughts are of you
I won't be a turncoat
Hurts to hear folks chatter
Cause they think you cheat
Right and wrong don't matter
With turncoats to defeat

Hush now, don't explain
Although you caused me pain
You're still my mayor
Don't explain

What Is Is

I never had sex with that woman
When I put my cigar up her twat
She didn't inhale
I didn't assail
Her, never did I add the dot

What happened depends on what is is
Is what is what is is what was
It's all very clear
Though you try to besmear
I never had sex just because!

And if she blew me in my office
It isn't as bad as you think
I wasn't the first
With insatiable thirst
It's really more normal than kink

I never insulted my office
And never my oath abrogate
But the job has such stress
I needed a rest
I needed more head and less state

Late June

(Tune: "High Noon")

Do not forsake me, Mr. Mayor
On this important day
Do not forsake me, Mr. Mayor
Move, move along

I do not know what fate awaits you
I only know you must be brave
And you must face the truth about you
Or be a coward
A cravin' coward
Or be a coward to your grave

Or to be torn twix truth and honor
How can you not see you're a goner?
Look at that big sun move along
Nearin' late June
There'll be a recall election
It's gonna clean up this infection
Look at that big sun move along
What will you do when you're kicked out?

Do not forsake me, Mr. Mayor
You still have one chance to be brave
If you'd just sign your resignation
And save this city
Our Puddle City
And save this city from the grave

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Lie To Me

(Tune: "All Of Me")

Lie to me
Come on and lie to me
Don't you see
I don't give a kumquat

Twist the facts
It makes no difference
Swing the ax
I'll always listen

Your big deeds
Just what the city needs
If it bleeds
It's not my concern

You have the smarts
To capture my heart
So come on, and lie to me!

Mentoring

(Tune: "True Love")

I give to you
And you take from me
Mentoring
Mentoring

My lips meet yours
And your lips meet mine
Mentoring
Mentoring

You see in me a man of such honor
The man that you want to be

So let's meet tonight
In the City Hall men's room
Mentoring
Mentoring

Let's Tell A Lie

(Tune: "Let's Fall In Love")

The left does it
The right does it
Even middle of the road does it
Let's do it
Let's tell a lie

A President does it
A Senator does it
Who cares if a mere Mayor does it?
Let's do it
Let's tell a lie

Straights do it
Gays do it
Even polymorphous wannabes do it
Let's do it
Let's tell a lie

It's just when folks over there do it
Who aren't agreeing with me
Their lies run scum through it
They're not trustworthy
Like me when

I do it
I know it
I manipulate the whole of it
I own it
I am the lie

Bright Lights, Big City

Bright lights, Big city
Gone to the mayor's head

I voted for the mayor
I believed the things he said
And every time I turn around
The truth stands on its head

Bright lights, Big city
Gone to the mayor's head

Don't care about his bedroom
Don't care about his beau
But when he lies right to my face
I think he's gotta go

He's carvin' up the city
Into the pro's and con's
And everyone is callin' us
The city of morons

Why won't he do the right thing?
And give the city peace?
Until he's out of office
This madness will not cease

And if he thinks he's in the right
Then take it to the polls
And let us vote with all the facts
And rest our weary souls

Bright lights, Big city
Gone to the mayor's head

I'm the Mayor!

(to tune of Ragmop)

I say S
I say S - A
S - A - M
S - A - M - A
S - A - M - A - D - A - M - S
I'm the mayor!
Doodle-eat-dop-ee-dobbie
I'm the mayor!
Doodle-eat-dop-ee-dobbie
I'm the mayor!
Doodle-eat-dop-ee-dobbie
I'm the mayor!
Doodle-eat-dop-ee-dobbie
S - A - M - A - D - A - M - S
I'M THE MAYOR!!

The Stereotype Waltz

Don't make me a stereotype
With your homophobic smear
A grown man with a teenage boy
Is nothing you should fear

I'm just a mentor to the boy
It's nothing more than that
I'm helping him to find himself
I'm not another stat

Don't make me a stereotype
We've put those days behind
I'm not a gay man on the prowl
I love him for his mind

And if I kiss him in the john
And even on the mouth
Don't make me a stereotype
I don't need any help

Kissing Is Not Sexual

Kissing is not sexual
It's friendly and it's cord-u-al
I'm speaking to you factual
My tongue is down his throat

A minute kiss is just a peck
Saliva drooling, what the heck
When first we kiss and then we neck
And then I get his coat

You people have a dirty mind
I'm just helping the boy unwind
And mentoring a bit in kind
And asking for his vote

Kissing is not sexual
In this case quite consensual
And oh! the kid's adorable
I almost want to gloat